


Color Me, So I Won't Lose Myself

by whatsamermaid



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 06:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17657357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsamermaid/pseuds/whatsamermaid
Summary: 𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒, 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑏𝑜𝑦 𝘩𝑎𝑑 𝘩𝑖𝑠 𝘩𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑠𝑒𝑡 𝑜𝑛 𝑏𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑡 𝑜𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒.━━━━━━In a world where each person's soul has a specific color assigned to them, a color seen only through blood, a color matched only by their soulmate. In this world, that color is Felix's last hope.





	Color Me, So I Won't Lose Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guyss!!! This is my very first fic so please be patient with me! I honestly do hope you enjoy reading this fic, and it WILL have a lot of angst, so read at your own risk!

For the longest time, Felix had his heart set on burnt orange.

Ever since he was a boy, his mother would tell him of the story of how souls were bound together by colour, each soul's specific hue only parallelled by that of their soulmate, Felix had been entranced, and ever since his mother's passing, he swore to search for the love that his parents could never attain, at least not with each other.

Felix had grown up on those fairy tales, often told to him by his mother in an attempt to lull him to sleep, tales of angels and knights drowning out the harsh, piercing sounds of yelling and broken bottles that seemed to mysteriously appear whenever his father returned home from work. During those terrifying moments, his mother promised to keep him safe from the monster he called "father", lulling him to sleep with her lavender voice, singing songs of how she'll always be by his side. In his adolescence, he stopped believing in those tales after his mother's passing, after broken bottles and a broken mind became too much for her, after Felix found one of the last few truths he had in this world lying lifeless and dull in a pool of lavender and broken promises.

His mother was a curious thing, really. She was once a bright young woman, with eyes full of hope and blood tinted a soft lavender, one who clung to the idea of soulmates even more so than Felix did, to the point that it destroyed her in more ways than one.

You see, in this world, soulmates were each given special colours, meant to represent one's own soul, and the only way to know the colour of one's soul was by piercing the flesh to peek at its essence, also known as one's blood.

Felix supposed that was why his mother clung to her marraige with his father with all the hope she had left in her lavender eyes, even when he would leave blossoming lavender bruises on her otherwise ghostly pale skin, demanding everything from her with his dark eyes, sore from all the rage he bottled up within him.

_How could fate string such drastically opposing souls together?_

Is a question one might ask when learning upon their relationship, and to that, even Felix did not know. What Felix did know was that his father never had an ounce of love for neither him nor his mother, only marrying his mother for her body and only keeping Felix in order to avoid the lawsuits.

With each day that passed, his father got worse and worse, slowly leading Felix to the conclusion that the only things his father loved was the bitter taste of the alcohol that burned his throat and broke his mind, and the pain that he caused Felix after intaking it.

After the inevitable death of his mother, the only thing that kept him alive were his best friends, Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jisung, and even then, Felix felt as though they were slowly drifting apart, what with Hyunjin and Seungmin spending more time together after discovering they were soulmates, and Jisung slowly detaching himself from them, pulled away by his own demons.

When the four of them were young, they had made a promise to never reveal their blood colour to each other before death, pinkies hastily linked underneath a thousand glittering stars. Eventually though, this promise had been broken by all of them, or at least all except one. It wasn't really Felix's fault that they found out, though. The bruises and scars his father left on his flesh just happened to get to the point where long sleeves and cheap dollar store makeup could not cover them, and he had come to Jisung's house one day and collapsed into the arms of a shocked Jisung, burnt orange dripping down his face and staining his clothes.

 

 

Felix knew that that was the day it had all fallen apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhh I hope that wasn't too extra I guess? Anyway I love u for reading this, and kudos+comments are suuper appreciated<3
> 
> My Twitter if you wanna yell at me:  
> @ whatsamerlix  
> My Tumblr (though im not rlly active on it)  
> @ whatsamermaid


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